How to Spot Red Flags in Relationships Before It’s Too Late
- Dr. Homeyra Faghihi
- Aug 7
- 3 min read
Red flags rarely scream. They whisper.
They show up as tiny gut tugs, passing comments, or quiet hesitations; the things you explain away until the damage is done.
But here’s the truth:
Your intuition noticed.
And next time, you’ll listen earlier.
When Love Feels Like a Puzzle With Missing Pieces
Picture building a beautiful house… but you ignore the cracks in the foundation because the walls are painted nicely.
That’s what overlooking red flags feels like; clinging to the potential while your gut senses the pattern.
The sooner you name what doesn’t feel right, the sooner you protect your peace.
Why We Miss Red Flags in the First Place
You were taught to be polite, not “confrontational”
You normalized chaos or inconsistency growing up
You believed love meant abandoning your own needs
You were conditioned to believe your standards were “too high”
You were taught to ignore your gut feeling growing up, or in an abusive relationship.
So you minimize the signs.
You rationalize the behaviors.
And sometimes, you stay, not because you don’t see the red flags, but because you were trained to doubt yourself.
Common Red Flags in Relationships (That Often Get Overlooked)
They mock your boundaries or make you feel guilty for having them
They rush intimacy or try to claim you too quickly (“love bombing”)
They avoid accountability - everything is someone else’s fault
They isolate you from friends, family, or your own voice
You feel like you’re walking on eggshells, even during “good” moments
If you feel more anxious than calm… pay attention.
How to Trust Yourself So You Don’t Miss the Signs
Step 1: Tune Into Your Body
Your nervous system speaks before your logic does.
“Do I feel safe or small around this person?”
Listen to the tension in your chest, the knot in your stomach; that’s wisdom, not weakness.
Step 2: Watch the Pattern, Not the Apology
One-time mistakes are human.
But repeated disregard for your boundaries? That’s a choice.
Let actions weigh more than words.
Step 3: Be Willing to Pause the Fantasy
Sometimes it’s not the person we’re afraid to lose; it’s the story we’ve attached to them.
Pause. Get clear. Ask yourself:
“Am I in love with them, or the version I’m hoping they’ll become?”
Step 4: Build a Non-Negotiable List
Decide what is no longer up for negotiation in your life:
Respect
Emotional availability
Accountability
Safety
This list is your anchor when emotions try to sweep you away.
Step 5: Surround Yourself With People Who Reflect Truth
Your friends, mentors, or therapist can offer mirrors when you’re too close to see clearly.
Let safe people help you hold up the red flags you might want to ignore.
You Deserve to Feel Safe, Not Confused
Love isn’t supposed to feel like constant guesswork.
If you’re always decoding someone’s mood, guarding your truth, or doubting your worth - that’s not love. That’s survival.
You’re not too sensitive.
You’re not asking for too much.
You’re finally seeing clearly - and that’s your power.
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Stay in Power.
Dr. Homeyra Faghihi, PsyD, LCSW
Empowerment Coach - Founder | Power to the Self Online Coaching
Dr. Homeyra Faghihi’s Professional Bio:
Hi, I'm Dr. Homeyra Faghihi. I coach women who struggle to say no, helping them set kind and clear boundaries and ask for what they want. I am an Empowerment Coach, a Doctor of Psychology, a psychotherapist with 25 years of experience in California, a Certified Domestic Violence Counselor, and a Certified Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician. I bring all that experience into my individual and group coaching programs. My mission is to help women reconnect with their self-worth, which is buried under persistent self-doubt and self-judgment.
Please note: No psychotherapy services are offered through this website. Coaching and education, only.
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