Narcissist Hero or Victim Role: How They Use These Masks to Control and Manipulate
- Dr. Homeyra Faghihi
- 12 minutes ago
- 3 min read
Introduction
In toxic dynamics, narcissistic individuals often adopt certain personas to maintain power and control. Two of the most common roles they play are the “hero” and the “victim.” These roles aren’t just personality quirks—they are methods used to manipulate, deflect responsibility, and preserve their self-image.
This blog will help you recognize these roles and understand the impact they have on your well-being, so you can begin to take back control of your narrative.
The Stage Performer
Imagine a narcissistic person as a skilled stage performer, constantly switching costumes between a shining hero and a wounded victim. Each role is played for an audience, designed to draw admiration or sympathy. Like actors in a play, narcissistic individuals use these masks to influence those around them, keeping attention and power focused on themselves.
Narcissist Hero or Victim Role
The focus keyword “Narcissist Hero or Victim Role” reflects how narcissistic individuals often switch between these two identities to control those around them. Recognizing these roles is crucial for breaking free from manipulation and reclaiming your emotional clarity.
1. The Hero Persona
Narcissists often portray themselves as the “rescuer” or the “savior.” This role helps them gain admiration and a sense of superiority.
They constantly talk about their sacrifices for others.
They exaggerate their acts of kindness or importance.
They place themselves at the center of other people’s success stories.
Example: A narcissist might say, “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t be where you are today,” even if their contributions were minimal—or self-serving.
2. The Victim Persona
When being the hero no longer serves them—or when their behavior is called out—they quickly switch to the role of the victim.
They claim to be misunderstood or unfairly judged.
They blame others for their failures or conflicts.
They seek sympathy to avoid accountability.
Example: After being confronted about a hurtful comment, they might respond, “You always make me the bad guy. I’m just trying to help.”
3. Why Do They Use These Roles?
These roles allow narcissistic individuals to:
Avoid responsibility
Gain control of the narrative
Influence how others perceive them
Keep others emotionally entangled
Both personas serve to manipulate your feelings—either by guilt-tripping you into compliance or convincing you to admire and depend on them.
4. The Emotional Toll on You
Constantly dealing with these shifting roles can:
Erode your self-esteem
Create confusion and self-doubt
Leave you feeling emotionally exhausted
You may start to question your own perception or feel guilty for setting boundaries. This emotional chaos is exactly what the narcissist wants—it keeps you focused on them and away from your own needs.
5. How to Respond
Awareness is the first step to breaking free. Here’s how you can regain your power:
Step 1: Acknowledge the Pattern
Once you recognize the narcissist hero or victim role pattern, it becomes easier to separate manipulation from reality.
Step 2: Set Boundaries
Clear, consistent boundaries are your best defense. Decide what you will and will not tolerate—and stick to it.
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Step 3: Stop Playing Into the Roles
Don’t feed their need for admiration or sympathy. Stay grounded in your truth and avoid being drawn into their emotional performance.
Step 4: Focus on Your Healing
Surround yourself with supportive people, and if needed, seek professional help. The goal is to rebuild your confidence and trust in your own judgment.
Final Thoughts
Whether they show up as heroes or victims, narcissistic individuals use these roles to manipulate and control. By identifying these patterns, setting strong boundaries, and focusing on your healing, you can protect yourself from their emotional games and regain your personal power.
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Stay in Power.
Dr. Homeyra Faghihi, PsyD, LCSW
Empowerment Coach - Founder | Power to the Self Online Coaching
Dr. Homeyra Faghihi’s Professional Bio:
Hi, I'm Dr. Homeyra Faghihi. I coach women who struggle to say no, helping them set kind and clear boundaries and ask for what they want. I am an Empowerment Coach, a Doctor of Psychology, a psychotherapist with 25 years of experience in California, a Certified Domestic Violence Counselor, and a Certified Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician. I bring all that experience into my individual and group coaching programs. My mission is to help women reconnect with their self-worth, which is buried under persistent self-doubt and self-judgment.
Please note: No psychotherapy services are offered through this website. Coaching and education, only.
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