Self-Validation vs. Seeking Approval: How to Stop Relying on Others for Confidence
- Dr. Homeyra Faghihi
- Jun 6
- 3 min read
Are you constantly looking to others for affirmation? Do you feel uneasy until someone praises your efforts, validates your emotions, or acknowledges your worth? If so, you’re not alone. Many people find themselves trapped in a cycle of seeking approval. The key to breaking free lies in developing self-validation, learning to acknowledge and value your own thoughts, feelings, and achievements.
Think of self-validation as building a house with solid bricks.
When you rely solely on external approval, it's like building your house with balloons. It may look impressive temporarily, but the structure can't weather any storms. Self-validation, on the other hand, creates a foundation that can withstand criticism, rejection, or silence.
Signs That You Rely Too Much on External Approval
You feel anxious or uncomfortable when someone disagrees with you.
Your mood depends heavily on compliments or “likes”.
You hesitate to make decisions unless someone else agrees.
You constantly seek reassurance, even for small matters.
You avoid expressing your true self for fear of judgment.
Steps to Cultivate Self-Validation
Step 1: Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Judgment
Become aware of your emotional responses and give yourself permission to feel. Say to yourself, “My feelings are valid.” Instead of labeling emotions as good or bad, see them as data points that help you understand yourself better. Your feelings are here to give you information, don’t negate them.
Step 2: Celebrate Small Wins
Make it a habit to recognize your accomplishments, no matter how minor. Write them down, treat yourself, or simply take a moment to reflect with pride. This reinforces the idea that your progress matters—even when no one else sees it.
Step 3: Practice Self-Talk That Builds You Up
Your inner voice shapes your reality. If you constantly criticize yourself, you'll keep feeling inadequate. Shift the narrative by using positive affirmations such as “I am capable,” or “I'm learning to trust my decisions.” Make sure that you use an affirmation that you can get behind.
Step 4: Journal Your Achievements and Emotions
Set aside 5–10 minutes daily to write about your thoughts, successes, and emotional experiences. This reflective practice strengthens your relationship with yourself and offers tangible evidence of your growth.
Step 5: Set Boundaries Around Approval-Seeking Behaviors
Identify your patterns—like excessive scrolling for likes or asking for reassurance too frequently. Then create boundaries, such as limiting time on social media or committing to making one decision a day without consulting anyone.
Step 6: Surround Yourself with Empowering Influences
Engage with people, content, and environments that reinforce self-worth and independence. Choose mentors, friends, and resources that encourage inner strength rather than constant validation.
Step 7: Embrace Imperfection as Growth
Perfectionism often drives approval-seeking. Accept that mistakes and failures are part of learning. Remind yourself: “I don’t need to be perfect to be worthy.” or “I’m after progress, not perfection”. Make sure to use affirmations that you can get behind.
Final Thoughts
Seeking approval isn’t inherently wrong—we all want connection and affirmation. But when it becomes the source of your self-worth, it holds you back from authentic confidence. Learning to validate yourself is a powerful step toward emotional freedom and long-lasting inner peace.
You don’t need anyone’s permission to feel good about who you are. You already are enough.
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Dr. Homeyra Faghihi, PsyD, LCSW
Empowerment Coach - Founder | Power to the Self Online Coaching
Dr. Homeyra Faghihi’s Professional Bio:
Hi, I'm Dr. Homeyra Faghihi. I coach women who struggle to say no, helping them set kind and clear boundaries and ask for what they want. I am an Empowerment Coach, a Doctor of Psychology, a psychotherapist with 25 years of experience in California, a Certified Domestic Violence Counselor, and a Certified Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician. I bring all that experience into my individual and group coaching programs. My mission is to help women reconnect with their self-worth, which is buried under persistent self-doubt and self-judgment.
Please note: No psychotherapy services are offered through this website. Coaching and education, only.
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